The Benefits of Talking to Strangers: A Lost Art in the Age of Avoidance
Once upon a time, humans spoke to each other. No screens, no carefully curated text messages, just real-life words exchanged between two people. Sounds terrifying, right? And yet, for centuries, we survived it. Thrived, even.
But fast forward to today, and the idea of casually striking up a conversation with a stranger ranks somewhere between accidentally hitting "Reply All" and leaving the house without your phone on the list of modern nightmares. We have perfected the art of looking busy—headphones in, eyes glued to a screen, suddenly very invested in rereading the same email—just to avoid the unspeakable horror of human interaction.
And that’s a shame.
Because, believe it or not, talking to strangers is good for you. Engaging with new people boosts your mood, increases your sense of belonging, and—if done correctly—can make you seem charmingly social instead of that person who avoids all eye contact like they’re dodging laser beams.
So, let’s talk about talking.
The Screen as a Social Barrier
Somewhere along the way, our devices stopped being just tools and became social shields. They allow us to be physically present but mentally elsewhere—a swipe, a scroll, or a fake phone call away from avoiding an awkward human moment.
And sure, the internet has given us the ability to connect with people across the globe. But ironically, it has also made us worse at engaging with the people right in front of us. When everyone is constantly plugged into their own digital world, we become more self-absorbed, more hesitant to reach out, and more prone to treating strangers as background noise instead of potential connections.
The result? A generation of people who know how to craft the perfect text but break into a cold sweat at the thought of spontaneous, real-world interaction.
But here’s the thing: No amount of screen time can replace the unpredictable magic of in-person conversation.
The Fear of Not Knowing What to Say
After getting past the initial fear of dropping our screens and making eye contact there is now the new fear of the —- What if I say something dumb? What if they think I’m weird? What if I open my mouth and just produce a strangled “uhhhh” before running away?
Relax. The chances of your brain combusting mid-sentence are statistically nonexistent. Strangers aren’t expecting you to deliver a TED Talk on the meaning of life—they’re just as unsure about small talk as you are. And the best part? You don’t need a genius-level opener. You just need to state the obvious or make a simple observation.
Here are a few foolproof conversation starters:
The Environmental Observation: “This coffee shop always plays the weirdest music. I think we just went from jazz to techno in under a minute.”
The Situational Comment: “I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen a checkout line move this slow. Are they making the bread from scratch back there?”
The Classic Compliment: “That is an excellent jacket. Where’d you get it?”
That’s it. You don’t have to be Shakespeare. You just have to be a person acknowledging another person’s existence.
Yes, There’s a Risk—But So What?
Let’s address the elephant in the room: Yes, there is a chance that the other person won’t respond the way you want them to.
Maybe they’re not in the mood to talk.
Maybe they’ll give you a one-word answer and go back to staring at their phone.
Maybe—brace yourself—they’ll think you’re a little weird.
And?
That’s life. That’s the risk of connecting. There is no social interaction on earth—whether it’s starting a conversation, making a friend, or falling in love—that doesn’t come with the possibility of rejection. If that possibility is enough to stop you from engaging, then congratulations: you’ve successfully avoided discomfort but also eliminated the chance of something great happening.
And let’s be real—have you never thought someone was weird before? Of course, you have. Did you spend hours analyzing it? No. The moment passed, you moved on, and so will they.
The point isn’t to have a 100% success rate in conversations. The point is to be open to the possibility of a meaningful connection instead of assuming the worst.
How to Show Interest (Without Feeling Like an FBI Agent)
A common fear when talking to strangers: What if I come off as intrusive? Here’s the thing—people love talking about themselves. The key is to give them the right opening.
Ask open-ended questions. Instead of “Did you like the event?”, try “What was your favorite part of the event?” The first can be answered with a dead-end “yes” or “no,” while the second invites conversation.
Actually listen. This is not just a time-filler while you wait to talk. Nod, make little “hmm” noises, and—if you’re feeling really advanced—ask a follow-up question.
Mirror their energy. If they’re chill, stay relaxed. If they’re animated, bring a little enthusiasm. Nobody likes talking to a human mannequin.
The goal isn’t to interrogate them for fun facts—it’s to create a moment of connection. And the best way to do that is to simply show up, listen, and respond like an actual human.
The Unexpected Benefits of Casual Connections
When you take the plunge and strike up a conversation with a stranger, magical things can happen:
You might learn something new. People carry stories, random trivia, and perspectives you’d never get from an algorithm-curated feed.
You could make someone’s day. A kind word or simple acknowledgement can completely shift someone’s mood—yours included.
You expand your world. Every conversation, no matter how small, reminds you that you’re part of something bigger: a community, a city, a shared human experience.
And most importantly? You shake up your routine. Because while staying in your own little bubble is safe and comfortable, comfort doesn’t lead to connection.
So, Are You Going to Talk to Someone or Not?
Look, we get it—phones are easy, and conversations are unpredictable. But one of them leads to a possible real connection, and the other keeps you stuck in a loop of passive scrolling.
Next time you find yourself standing in an elevator, at a bus stop, or in a painfully long checkout line, take a risk. Say something. Anything.
Worst case? The conversation fizzles out and you go back to pretending to text your mom. Best case? You make a new friend, hear a crazy story, or discover where to get the best tacos in town.
Either way, it’s better than spending your life pretending to be deeply invested in an email draft that doesn’t exist.
Now, go forth. Talk to a stranger. And for the love of all things social—put your phone down for a second.
Welcome to Thrive in Community—Where Your People, Purpose, and Faith Collide
You know that moment when you’re staring at your phone, wondering why your friendships feel shallow, your church community feels meh, and your group chat is just memes and “we should catch up soon” texts? Yeah, we’re over that too. It’s time for something deeper.
This is Thrive in Community—your no-fluff, no-fake-smiles guide to actually building meaningful connections, growing in your faith (without the weird guilt trips), and finding your people in a world that loves surface-level everything. We’re serving up real talk, zero fluff, and just the right amount of snark—because thriving in community isn’t about forced small talk over bad coffee. It’s about showing up, being seen, and building relationships that actually matter.
We’ll tackle the real stuff—loneliness (even in a crowd), church hurt, setting boundaries (because no, you don’t owe everyone access to your life), and how to cultivate friendships that don’t just survive but actually thrive. Expect bold insights, uncomfortable truths, and the occasional push to get out of your own way—because you weren’t made to do life alone, but you also weren’t made to settle for shallow connections.
New articles drop every Friday. But will we be sending out cute little email reminders? Nope. If you want the goods, you’ll have to actually check our Substack page yourself—like the intentional, thriving person you are.
Oh, and heads up—this series is free for now, but that won’t last forever. So don’t be that person who waits until it’s locked behind a paywall.
Ready to stop existing in community and start thriving in it? Let’s go. 🚀